ZERO-NADA-ZILCH english

Here I am again, and I have nothing to say, nothing, zilch. I do not want to talk about all I have to do, my fatigue, my obligations. May the weight of my debts be lost in the midst of my dream-lit path. A smile comes to my mouth, like that of a naughty child who’s just eaten an ice cream cone (chocolate of course ... just to spoil his next least preferred dinner!). It's time to start to wander: "Gods of my laziness, I evoke you to come and get me." "Welcome to the kingdom of my mental leisure !!!" "May God have mercy on those thoughts which still dare to create a productive thinking roam in my brain!" I'm willing just to rest my soul and get away from everything, to seek mental perfection zero, ZERO, nothing, blank, empty, absent, did not come, missed, had to accompany her grandmother to the doctor ... etc ... ... ZERO! The ZERO is perfect, and therefore it is beauty, purity. I am, at least at present, a zero (on the left, or to the right, but to the right of what ??!!.... to the right of zero is always zero!) The space does not exist in universe of ZERO ... nor the time of ONE. CERO is the bravest number. ONE is less lonely, and though one sometimes feels as being something, it often is just barely a bit greater than zero. It is almost impossible, I realize now come to stand for a considerable time at that level of perfection, which is ZERO, because there is always something of ONE that refuses to be subjugated. Many will wonder "where the hell is this guy going with this, but I began by saying that" here I am and I have nothing to say "... I want to get lost in the infinity of the insignificant, and stop and be able to capture the small realities that die without being perceived because of their quality of ZERO. For example, some herbs that grow in the expansion joints of a curb on a quiet street in Maspeth, Queens, or the little posts that people place on either side of a plant, to support a new tree, so that it can grow properly, correctly, (correctly!!??.. . let’s say erect), nice and straight because of these wooden guides. Finally, as everything goes, including these guides there shall be a single tree standing erect, but ironically, even this tree will one day die or be cut through the mountains of the time, or (man-god). And who would even remember the poor wood tree-guides, where the ants use to walk, where the dogs urinated, marking their territory? On Saturday night it rained a lot, but who even remembers it?! It is ZERO ... The Clouds gathered out of nowhere and in a few minutes, lightning and thunder, two elements of the same entity, spectacular and deafening, revolution of the air to change the status quo of the wet day, of the hot and sticky day. I ran into my independently controlled environment, with no music, just breathing luggage. I was just a light more in the city. I was just a splendid ZERO, a being almost nonexistent in this world of ONEs. Heaven hasten the arrival of the night. The air had now that inexplicably beautiful smell of before the rain. The stage was set for the show from the rain, and the storm, which turned into night, or in what appeared to be a series of light and dark scenes in continuous movement, at a constant rate, proportional to the speed of my moving bubble. Thank you Gods for letting my sweet laziness savor the pleasure of these moments of existential emptiness. Thanks also to my power generators, who disconnected me from my moral creditors!! It was beautiful to be able to just feel only like a pair of eyes in the night, that witness the attenuating rain till it was just a trace of memory. The rain, then transformed the night, the reality, which had changed between ZERO and ONE immediately, so the heat was momentarily different. Even the silence was now different, it was not muted, but a series of low and shy mumbles. The last hours of the night were mixed into a dream of a new dawn and a new life, another day had started. From nothing (ZERO), came ONE, A new day. The old one is now past, only I remember it, (for now, until it also becomes again ZERO) representing me (?). Who needs conclusions?? Probably one (not !!!!) ZERO (8-14-90) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ZERO seems to be what it contains all the essence of everything, where all become infinite, although identifying the mathematics of infinite value to us, the finite, the ZERO is the closest thing to temporarily possess infinite. ZERO, we get the feeling of being part of the very essence of being, for white, or in absence, we can see the immensity of belonging to the infinitesimally small, insignificant. "All" comes from "nothing", for example us, morning and pass, etc .... Until the end comes out of nowhere, and goes to nowhere ... ..!!! Everything else is imagination ... .. The ONE constant weapon, fighting passionately at all levels to transcend conscious and subconscious (but beyond that ?.... envelope and that ??!!!). ???!!.... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Let's try also now to analyze the need to invent or create the word transcend ... Of those who transcend through history, I think only those who did not try, they did indeed, but one deals with all forces. One death struggle through life and tries desperately to rid this horrible NOTHING that we soaked in our "SOUL". A NOTHING which come by chance, by chance, or goodness or necessity "and almighty God," or simply because the rule is that ZERO, ONE must descend and ascend again to zero or one, or something else , .... or not! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ That NOTHING that haunts us in our time of ONE. NOT ONE can relate. We fear because we can not identify this ZERO ... (not while we can not be pure in that condition more than a few seconds consciously !!!!) a boy and we are concerned to know when we will no longer exist, to be oneself. We come to haunt the uncertainty of our existence, so we are intrigued to know where we came from, who was my grandfather? His father .... His grandfather ... etc!? It seemed to me? That Vivian life? I like this fall into? I have an obligation to know? Because I do not remember anything else? Who would remember me? They will know who I am? Who went? I wanted? That feeling? He feared that he loved ???...?? Who was this ONE and because now it's just a scratch ... ACD 6-15-90